A Mathematical Impossibility
by BiteMeTechie
Summary: Impossible? In the Pegasus Galaxy? What's that?


"It is a mathematical impossibility!" Rodney squawked as he pounded his fist on the conference table, "There are no such things as vampires!"

John Sheppard looked at the physicist oddly, "Rodney, you've met the _Wraith_, right?"

"They aren't vampires!"

"They're creatures who live off the life force of other creatures, aren't they?"

"That is NOT what we're talking about! What the Yonal are suggesting is _actual_ vampirism! _Blood sucking_! It is a mathematical IMPOSSIBILITY!"

"There's no need to shout, Rodney," Sheppard chided gently.

"What do you think, John?" Weir asked cautiously, "Do you believe them?"

Sheppard sat back heavily in his chair, "It _could_ be a case of a myth being blown out of proportion…I mean, we've found out that the ancients had a hand in some of the myths on Earth, right? Things that we _thought_ weren't real turned out to _be_ real."

Rodney made a disbelieving noise, "Tell me _you_ don't believe these people!"

"I'm saying we shouldn't disregard anything they say, no matter how impossible it _seems._"

McKay threw his hands in the air in disgust, "You're crazier than they are! There are facts and figures to be considered here! Vampirism is impossible because the entire population of a planet like Earth would be wiped out in a matter of two years. There would be nothing left to feed on! It's _simple math!_ Ugh!"

The physicist spun out of his chair and angrily stalked out of the conference room, leaving the head of Atlantis and the head of military personnel to stare after him shaking their heads.

Elizabeth rubbed her forehead despairingly.

John looked at her with concern, "You ok?"

"Mmm…Fine…just a bit of a headache."

"Rodney tends to do that to people."

She chuckled softly, "I just wish he'd keep an open mind about certain things."

"Well, to be perfectly honest, Elizabeth, I've got my doubts about the Yonal's claims of there being _vampires_ among them."

Elizabeth looked at John with a smirk, "So the vehemence of that argument was solely for Rodney's benefit?"

"Hey, somebody had to speak up. His head blows up like a balloon if someone doesn't take a stand against him every once in a while."

"Good point," Elizabeth shut her eyes and leaned back in her chair, "So you really don't believe them, then?"

"Well, you talked with their leader more than I did…but like Rodney said, it's a 'mathematical impossibility'."

"True." Elizabeth stood up, "Well…now that this is settled, there's something _else_ I want to speak with you about."

John quirked an eyebrow at her. "Oh?"

"Yes…but not here. My office."

_Must be something serious_…

He got up to follow her, but once he stepped over the threshold and the doors slid shut behind him, he found himself being pounced on by Atlantis' chief of staff.

Pulse racing, lips descending, tongues crashing together in a flurry of pleasant confusion.

And he _was_ confused.

Incredibly turned on, very happy about this turn of events and rather pleased that he'd finally managed to break through that tough exterior that Weir wore like armor, but above all else: damn was he _confused_.

John Sheppard, in general, simply didn't _do_ confused.

He pulled back suddenly to look at Weir strangely, "What was _that_ for?"

"You're thinking too much," she replied before she attacked his lips again, effectively silencing him.

"Ok, hold up, stop," he held her back with one hand and tried to catch the breath her kisses had stolen from him, "What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"

"John…I've just been…thinking…lately," she punctuated each of her words with a press of her lips to his, "We talked about not being able to get involved with each other _before_…"

"And what, this is you changing your mind?"

"Mhmmm," she murmured, moving her attentions from his lips to his chin, across his jaw and finally to his earlobe.

The arm around his shoulders, the closeness of _her_ felt so good that he decided to ignore the little voice in his head that was flailing around screaming _Danger! Danger John Sheppard!_ at the top of it's imaginary lungs.

All coherent thought ceased as he gave in to the sensations she was causing, enjoying the feel of her pressed up against him as her tongue worked it's way down his throat and he decided "Oh, what the hell? Why not."

He remained blissfully unaware of anything other than the feelings she was eliciting from his body--the thrum just beneath his skin as his nerves came alive--right up until a sudden sharp pain in his neck burst through the thrall she had him under.

And in those moments as the life drained from him via the two small puncture wounds in his jugular, everything seemed to fit into place.

Elizabeth hadn't been outside in three days...not since the leader of the Yonal had been to see her.

She hadn't been in the sun.

He hadn't seen her in the mess hall for meals since then, either…

As the darkness closed in around the edges of his consciousness, forcing out the clarity that he'd found, his brain wrapped itself around one bitter, angry, 'I can't believe I was so stupid' thought.

_Anything_ is possible in Pegasus

-

A/N: Right. So I figured as long as I was doing this 'turn various characters on Atlantis into monsters' thing, I might as well tackle my _favorite_ horror monster: The vampire.

_And_ I got a little Sparky action in there too...that totally makes me of the happy.

So, I've taken care of the urge to write vampires, zombies and werewolves. What's left? I have no idea, but I'm sure I'll figure out something perverted to do to our favorite Atlantis characters in the Universal Movie Monster vein again.

God help us all if I ever decided the Mummy needs to be tackled...

This was inspired by Quillian, who, last Halloween, sent me a link about the fact that the existence of Vampires _is_ mathematically impossible. Thanks buddy, finally got around to using the plot bunny!


End file.
